I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
