Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
