i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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