I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
