dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
