I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
