So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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