I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
