Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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