it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
