If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
