I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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