i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
