I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
