No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
