just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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