i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
