Porn is love you can see.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
