life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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