I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
