i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I could fuck to npr.
I want to fling myself into the sun
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
