guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
