Where is the hickey?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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