I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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