TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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