If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
