at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
