How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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