smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
