You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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