Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
