I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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