I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
