I skipped work to stalk him.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
sex in a hospital.. check
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
