Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
