I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
