im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
