Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just invented taco cereal.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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