I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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