life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm going to jail i love you
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
