I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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