i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
