At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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