you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
