Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
