I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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