Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
