was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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