i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
