Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
