Your mouth is God's brothel.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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