Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
