I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
