I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
