More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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