i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
