whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
